Caregivers are often so busy ‘doing’ their role, that when your care recipient dies or no longer needs care, and your caregiving role ends, you may suddenly find yourself adrift. Reclaiming your life after your time providing care can accompany feelings of relief, sadness, and confusion.
Here are 4 suggestions that can support caregivers in navigating their journey after caregiving:
1. Feel the loss and grief
Although you may feel inclined to rush past feelings of grief and sadness, there is no bypassing these feelings. Feelings of sadness can feel overwhelming, and emotionally and physically painful, but a wise person once said you must feel it to heal it. Caregivers have expressed that during this time, they have physical sensations associated with grief, their heart and chest aches, or their body feels heavy and slow moving. Everyone experiences grief and loss differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve; however, we do experience similar feelings and sensations in the body.
Depending on your caregiving situation, many experience anticipatory grief before losing someone they care for. This is when caregivers dealing with an impending death will experience overwhelm, anxiety, and dread. Before the death of a care recipient, many caregivers grieve the loss of the person’s abilities and independence, loss of their cognitive abilities, loss of future dreams, loss of stability, and the loss of their identity outside of caregiving. Anticipatory loss is not just about accepting the future death, but of the many losses already occurring as an illness progresses. Caregivers also often feel a sense of relief at the end of the caregiving journey. The best thing to do is to pay attention, to what’s going on in your body, what’s going on in your mind, and what’s going on in your heart. It’s okay to feel and it’s okay not to feel.
2. Have one thing each day to look forward to
When your caregiving role comes to an end and all the planning, scheduling, and doing ceases, you may feel a bit at a loss of what to do with all the extra time on your hands. First, it’s important to have compassion for yourself and know that these feelings and thoughts are common during this transition. We often hear caregivers express their discomfort around not having a purpose or not being as busy, and they are confronted with their feelings of loss, loneliness, uncertainty, and grief. It may take some time and practice but notice where you can slow down in your day. You may be used to completing chores or errands quickly to ensure you fit them all into your day, but now consider slowing down. It’s important to build meaningful activities into your daily schedule. Start with simple and small things that may bring you a glimmer of joy. Maybe it’s calling a friend to connect, enjoying a cup of tea in the morning, or going for an afternoon walk. Thinking ahead and giving yourself something to look forward to helps to give your day structure and meaning. If something arises where you cannot do it, that is okay, plan it for another time when you have the space and energy. You are rebuilding your schedule slowly and taking things at your own pace.
3. Reflect on your memories, stories, and life lessons
Writing your memories and stories down is a way to make meaning from your experience. During your caregiving, it may have been difficult to fully process and understand the positive and negative impacts it had on your life. Often caregivers put their experiences, feelings, and needs aside to care for someone. Expressive writing is a method to help you uncover and heal traumatic and stressful experiences, process your feelings, and reveal the way forward. It is also a way to capture special memories and events that you shared with your care recipient.
4. Incorporate movement, mindfulness, and conscious breathing into your day
Feelings of grief can be all consuming, however focusing on your health and wellness can help soften these waves of grief and loss. In particular, exercise is a helpful tool to help manage this. Movement can punctuate heightened feelings, giving you a small break to focus on something else and switch up your environment. Moving your body boosts your feel good endorphins and can help you to regain a sense of control in your body. The benefits of movement increase if you move with a friend or group of people together, nurturing our need for social connection. During this time, you may have increased feelings of anxiety, or fluctuating energy. It can be hard to turn your mind ‘off’ from all the thoughts and thinking. Mindfulness is a practice that aims to observe your thoughts without judgment. Rather than trying to make your thoughts stop it is about simply being aware of the arising and passing away of the thoughts in your mind. It may be helpful to have a designated time to sit quietly and take a few slow, deep breaths to bring yourself into the present moment. Some people find it meaningful to rest a hand on their heart, to say a prayer, or to recite a word or phrase to help them feel grounded and present. Mindfulness is a practice, a touchpoint that when practiced consistently can support you in feeling safe, grounded, and present.