| By Karla Kerr, licensed funeral director and death doula. She is passionate about encouraging end-of-life conversations by sharing transparent information and helping individuals feel informed and empowered. Learn more about end of life planning here: https://karlakerr.ca/ |
| There is one major myth about end-of-life planning: that talking about or planning for death will make it happen. Death happens in its own time. Talking about it doesn’t bring it on, and not talking about it certainly doesn’t prevent it. As a Death Doula, I help individuals prepare for end-of-life proactively and have meaningful conversations with their families. But first, what’s a death doula? We are non-medical supports who provide guidance and preparation before and throughout the dying process, both for the dying person and their loved ones. Everyone’s support network looks different – a death doula’s role is to step in where there are gaps. We help families shore up their own resources, to meet the death with compassion, support and resiliency. So what are some ways you can ease your family’s experience of your death? Document your wishes. “Just keep it simple” might mean something different to a wife as it does to a son. This uncertainty is avoidable by documenting your wishes and ensuring someone knows where they are. Give some thought to what will happen to your body. In BC we have 2 options: burial and cremation. Cremation is more common because of the relative cost and the many options for what you can do with cremated remains. If you would like to be cremated, give your family direction on what to do with your ashes. Scattered at sea, buried in a family plot, turned into a diamond … there are so many options it can be overwhelming for family to guess and choose. You might be surprised to know how many people have the ashes of loved ones stored in a closet because they just don’t know what to do with them. In terms of burial, there are 2 types: Traditional burial are all the cemeteries you have seen with lawns and headstones. Green burial means the body returns to the earth as naturally as possible, with no embalming and in a biodegradable casket or shroud. Death is part of life. It makes sense to give it as much attention as you do to other life milestones. These brave conversations with family and friends promote connection and resiliency. Proactively planning empowers your children and grandchildren to experience your death with more ease and acceptance. This is a final act of parenting, a final gift of love. Resource: After a Death Checklist created by the Government of BC (https://www2.gov.bc.ca/assets/gov/birth-adoption-death-marriage-and-divorce/deaths/after-a-death/after_death_checklist.pdf) is a helpful checklist to help you determine who to notify and keeps you organized when someone dies. |