It can be difficult as a family caregiver to meet all the needs of the person you are caring for, and it
may become necessary to bring in others to help “share the care”. This may be met with resistance
from the care recipient who does not want someone else caring for them or does not want “strangers”
in their home.
It is important to talk with your family member and adhere to their thoughts and wishes. We need to
remember that unless the person is experiencing some cognitive difficulty, they are still responsible
for making decisions about their life. They may make decisions that you wouldn’t make, but it is their
choice. Remember they are adults. This can be difficult for you as a caregiver when you need some
relief or when you are concerned about someone’s safety.
It can be helpful to first develop some understanding of the care recipient’s situation and why they might be resisting help. It is often difficult for many of us to accept help because of what it represents to us. By accepting help, your family member will have to acknowledge their illness or aging and the physical and cognitive changes that come along with it. They will be forced to recognize their loss of independence along with the loss of privacy that comes with having others come into their home. Imagine what it would be like to depend on a stranger or even your own son or daughter to bathe you or help toilet you. By resisting help, we try to deny these changes and the reality of our situation.
If the person you are caring for resists help, be patient and keep the following suggestions in mind:
Tips for When Your Care Recipient Resists Help
- Introduce changes slowly. Give them time to accept the idea that they are now unable to do it for themselves.
- Assure them they have a say in decisions about their care. Emphasize that their preferences and opinions are important, and you are there to support them in making choices that feel right for them.
- Offer a trial period. They may be willing to try home support for two months if they know they could change their mind later.
- Present in-home help as being for the caregiver. Sometimes people are more willing to accept help if it is framed as assistance for the caregiver, such as someone to help you keep the house clean.
- Prepare yourself by learning about available services. Have this information handy when needed.
- Maintain regular contact and reassurance. Show that you support your family member’s right to autonomy, which can help deal more smoothly with emergencies when they arise.
- Listen and validate their concerns. If a choice seems silly or unimportant to you, try to see why it may be important to them.
- Negotiate solutions for dangerous choices. If they make choices that seem unsafe, arrange for someone to take walks with them if they are unsafe by themselves.
- Involve a third party. Engage a trusted professional (physician, minister) or family friend who can help mediate your discussions.
Navigating caregiving is challenging, especially when balancing the care recipient’s wishes with their safety. By introducing changes slowly, respecting their autonomy, and being patient, you can create a supportive environment that honours their dignity. Seeking help isn’t a failure; it’s a step towards providing the best care for your care recipient.