Family Caregivers BC

Family Caregiver Resources

Emotional Side of Caregiving

Family caregivers experience a wide range of mixed emotions in response to the demands of caregiving. These can range from anger, grief, guilt and resentment to joy, compassion and gratitude. All of these are normal.

There may be anger and resentment as unresolved family issues resurface or because so much of your time and energy is focused on someone else’s needs.

There can be sadness in watching someone who was once competent and capable become frail and dependent. You may experience grief related to all the losses that both of you are now experiencing – loss of independence, plans for the future, your time and freedom and the relationship you previously had together.

Even the most “perfect” caregiver will often feel guilty about something they have done or not done. You may feel guilty about feeling some of the emotions mentioned above or for wanting to take time for yourself. Sometimes the guilt comes from the fact that you are helpless in eliminating your family member’s illness or disability.

Ignoring these feelings won’t make them go away; it may even make them grow stronger. Trust your feelings as they arise as they are telling you about your own needs. Know that you are not alone and that there are many others out there experiencing similar feelings.

Below are some other ideas to help manage emotions:

  • Seek support and talk to a friend, a fellow caregiver, support group or professional counsellor.
  • Include some pleasant activities in your daily schedule. It can lift your spirits to listen to music, enjoy your garden or play with your grandchildren.
  • Take one day at a time. Try to stay flexible and accept things you can’t change.
  • Talk to someone about the worst things that could happen and plan what you would do if this occurred. Sometimes having a plan helps to ease worry and fear.
  • If you feel angry, take a break and leave the situation if possible. A quick walk can help defuse your feelings. Breathing for 10 seconds in a different space can also help. Focus your anger on the condition, not the person you care for.
  • Give yourself credit for what you are doing as a caregiver. Be realistic about what’s possible and what isn’t.

And even though the caregiving situation can evoke many difficult emotions it can also bring great joy, compassion and gratitude for the time that you were able to spend with your family member of friend. I got to know my dad more in the months that he was ill than in the forty-some years prior to that. Many caregivers tell us they do feel grateful they were able to “give back’ in some way.

For more resources on the Emotional Side of Caregiving, see the articles, webinars and blogs below.

Articles 

  • Untangling All The Emotions – How to clarify the emotional experience of family caregiving by Allison Reeves (Clinical Counsellor)
  • No More Guilt – The emotion that seems to run most amok in the terrain of caregiving is guilt, we learn some of the layers of guilt
  • Checking In on How You Are Feeling – common emotions caregivers are faced with and strategies to help
  • Boundaries – one of our most popular topics!

Webinars & Handouts

Most of the listed webinars are pre-recorded and have a handout you can download.  Click on the links to listen to the webinars and download a pdf of the presentation and handouts.

Blog