How do familial expectations and cultural traditions impact how you show up as a family caregiver? This is a question Maybo Lui has considered ever since she unexpectedly became a secondary caregiver for her husband’s father just weeks after they married. A registered clinical counsellor herself, Maybo observes her position from both a professional lens and a cultural one—as Chinese Canadians, there is filial piety and conflicting cultural assumptions at play.
In their conversation, host Bill Israel and Maybo discuss the impacts of caregiving for an in-law, on both the marriage relationship and the wider family dynamic. Maybo seeks to strike a balance between the selfless expectations of her Chinese heritage and the more Western values of individuality and boundaries. Her approach to thoughtful decision-making and embracing each opportunity for relationship-building will resonate with caregivers from every cultural background.
Reconsider how you care for your family member and yourself with Maybo’s insights:
- How forethought can soften our natural tendencies to pull away or become too involved.
- The tension between independence and cultural expectations in caring for a parent;
- The concept of filial piety and cultu as it relates to emotional and physical caregiving;
- How sensitive boundary-setting can preserve healthy relationships;
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Quotes from Maybo Liu:
- “I never saw it’s just black and white. Where in order for you to honour your parents, you have to completely lose yourselves. Because to me, if you were to truly honour your parents, it also means that you should show up authentically and thoughtfully.”
- “I started to focus on how do I want to show up in my own family. Even just internally shifting that focus has helped me stay calmer because I’ve noticed that when I get really focused on everything about his family. There’s a lot of things that are out of my control.”
- “I think when things are calm, everyone can kind of show up perfectly. But it’s only when times are stressful, that’s when our natural tendencies kind of really show up. Typically, I would say when things get stressful, we fall into one of two ways. We either become more distant, or what I find is that when things get stressful. The other group would be they get overly invested, they get overly involved.”