Family caregiving brings with it many changes for everyone involved. Among these is the loss of each person’s expectations for how their future will be. Although we expect to grieve when someone dies or is diagnosed with a terminal illness, many people don’t anticipate the many losses we can experience as we adjust to changes in health throughout the time we care for someone. Depending on the specifics of your family member’s health or disability, you may be struggling with one or more of the following losses:
- Independence. Your day is now planned around someone else’s needs and schedule.
- Privacy. Various healthcare workers may be coming into your home to help with care. You may now need to involve others in making financial and other personal decisions.
- Future plans. Were you planning to travel after retirement, but now your parents will be moving in with you so you can care for them?
- Financial security. Will your savings be going toward paying for care? Do you have to retire early?
- Relationship changes. Do you feel like you are now your spouse’s caregiver and no longer their spouse?
- Leisure time changes. No time to see your friends anymore? Too tired for that weekly bridge or golf game?
- Employment changes. Will you need to retire early, turn down a promotion or quit your job so you can provide care?
Your grief in response to these losses can appear in many ways including guilt, anxiety, helplessness, irritability, or frustration. It is important that you express these emotions as they occur rather than allowing them to build up. Some suggestions for coping with caregiving-related loss include:
- Reflect and talk about your feelings. Good friends, family members, or local religious organizations can be sources of support.
- Join a support group. Support groups provide caregivers with the opportunity to share with other caregivers and learn from one another. Family Caregivers of BC and other disease-specific agencies, such as the Alzheimer’s Society of BC, provide support groups for family caregivers. Visit www.familycaregiversbc.ca for more information.
- Honour your memories of what used to be. Acknowledge how things are now and what is still possible. Your life is not going to be the same, but it does not mean that you can’t still enjoy it. Resistance is a lot more draining than acceptance.
- Create new dreams, connections, and travel plans based on your life now. Your life is evolving, and so can your aspirations.
- Write down your thoughts and feelings. For individuals who enjoy writing, it can be a wonderful way to process the losses you are experiencing.
- Read a book on coping with grief, loss, and chronic illness. Gaining new insights can help you navigate these challenges and help you find hope for the future.
- Do activities you enjoy. You may want to garden, read, go for a walk, or sit on the beach.
- Ask for help. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support to ensure you can sustain the demands of caregiving without overwhelming yourself.
Grieving the losses that come with caregiving can be challenging, but remember, you’re not alone. Share your feelings with friends and family and consider joining support groups for additional help. Embrace new memories and find joy in the present, as acceptance can ease the journey and allow you to set new goals. Prioritizing self-care is essential for being an effective caregiver. Don’t hesitate to ask for support when needed. You’re doing important work, and taking care of yourself is a vital part of that process.