By Julie Cameron, Caregiver Support Specialist, FCBC
“For the last two years I have been a full-time caregiver for my husband who has dementia. Between medical appointments and providing 24/7 care for him and then trying to manage a household, I am both physically and mentally exhausted. We don’t have any children nearby to help, so everything falls on my shoulders and it’s affecting our relationship. I feel resentful sometimes which in turn makes me feel guilty, after all he is the one who is sick. I’m feeling overwhelmed and not sure how much longer I can do this. How do other caregivers handle this stress?”
– Exhausted Caregiver
Dear Exhausted Caregiver
Thank you for contacting us at Family Caregivers of BC. The way you are feeling makes a lot of sense with the health-related changes your husband is experiencing. It is important to recognize your own needs at the same time as you are caring for your partner.
One thing to consider is creating a plan for yourself. Think about what your respite needs are and make time for yourself. What community connections do you need to make? Who and what helps you to feel most supported?
As a caregiver, taking care of yourself is not a selfish act, it’s crucial for both your own well-being and that of your loved ones. If you don’t build ways to meet your own needs, you risk burnout and exhaustion. These can lead to illness and compromise your ability to be an effective caregiver.
Involving friends and members of your family from the beginning of the illness helps lighten the load. Assigning tasks, such as meal prep and running errands, helps share responsibilities. Giving everyone specific roles may also help your husband adjust to having others around the home.
Recognize that anger, anxiety, and guilt are normal feelings given the situation you are experiencing–they come not only from being tired but also from the losses you are experiencing.
Lastly, consider joining a support group as soon as you can. You don’t need to be alone on this journey. Self-care doesn’t have to look like heading to a spa for a massage or going on a weekend getaway. It can be as simple as going for a walk, doing breathing exercises or even just sitting outside for a few minutes.
When we don’t take time for ourselves each day, frustration can build, and it affects both us and our loved ones. Above all, be gentle with yourself—caring for someone with a chronic or terminal illness can turn life upside down.
– The Caregiver Support Team